


Bride of the pantheon

by Vivalavidapasta



Category: Homestuck
Genre: 8 times, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bomf, Confrontations, Don’t worry everyone will get a chance to bomf, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Foreshadowing, GOOPY BOI, Godstuck, Illustrated, Old playgrounds, Original Mythology, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Smooch, Smut, Time Travel, Trolls are Gods, Vampire Bites, You fuck Vaska Undetale, basically breeding stuck but fuck you, basically eldritch god dating simulator, candy shop, dead stuff, descriptive shit of dead stuff, destruction of commercial property, everyone’s thirsty, kisses!, mary Sue??? In my story??? More likely than you think, powers, rotting flesh, yes its that painting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-02-23 13:08:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13190751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vivalavidapasta/pseuds/Vivalavidapasta
Summary: YO FINALLY SOME SEX





	1. A Ram’s skull

“Don’t do it L/N”

Ha.

“Don’t do it, I just touched a sacred pot with a stick and I still feeling the haze.”

“Shut up strider, I can want to what do shit balls.”

Ha ha ha. You’re so high right now.

Dave doesn’t get it, you want to feel things, incredible things. Fortunately, you’re going to get the chance to feel some fucked up shit and it’s gonna be good. Probably safer than injecting whatever shit into your veins. 

Your little town is one of the weirdest. Some say there is a cult, others say it’s possessed by demons but all you know is that there’s some spooky shit in a spooky temple cave thing that gives you weird feelings. Whatever, probably something in the air of the cave. You are determined to suck that shit in. 

Apparently each relic has a different feel to it? Or at least that’s what you hear. Your friend rose says that each relic is symbolic of a trinity, based upon the zodiac. When asked how she knows this, she just chuckles mysteriously and gives you a paper. It has the whole zodiac on it, colored in a incorrect and dull rainbow that looks more like vomit than actual colors. 

Finally mustering up liquid courage (and by that you mean sparkling apple cider, man is that shit good) you enter the cave, only with a flashlight and a small walky talky, connected to your good friend Dave in case something happens. It’s cold yet warm in it, the humidity giving a warm chill to your skin. Your flashlight flickers and suddenly catches on fire. You panic a little before sighing and venturing deeper into the cave. 

When you finally reach the end, the flame is blown out. You freeze, staying ever so quiet. Why the fuck did you go at night!? 

Everything changes when moonlight enters the cave and bounces light off of crystals, making the colors yet again. Only two isn’t fully lit. One was cancer and the other was, what was it... saggy tits? Whatever. 

You begin to breath deeply, not because you’re scared but because you wanna inhale as much magic cave air to really get the high on. 

Inching closer to the first relic, anal? Airs? No, Aries, you’re feeling a bit wobbly. Oh wow, that air is fucking strong. You feel a bit woozy.... You shake yourself awake yet again. You gotta focus! Investigate the first relic! 

It’s a ram’s skull, huh. That’s it? There’s no pentagram or anything satanic on it. You don’t see anything that peculiar. You even put your hands on its horns. Nothing, what a waste of time. But then you look into the eye sockets. 

There’s... gears. They’re moving. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. The gears move with the sound. Each tick, each tick feels like the hit of a drum, rumbling through your stomach, getting louder and louder. It drowns out the sound of dripping, it drowns out the wind howling and suddenly everything just stops. 

Everything is eerily quiet. You can only hear yourself breathing. What the fuck. What the fuck!? 

You look back to the skull, the gears have stopped but still there, glaring with a red stare. You try to move your fingers but you can’t. You can move your toes but not your fingers. You move your arm, your hand frozen around the horns of the skull. You wave it around, the gear eyes creepily following you. You feel it pulling you, gently. You huff and tug a bit but you still obey. You let it tug you outside the cave. 

Not even the wind moves. Birds are frozen in mid flight. You still let the skull guide you, you could get your walky talky and scream at Dave but you’re pretty sure he’s frozen too. Plus you can’t move your fingers dumbass. 

You finally stop at the cemetery. You stare at the open grave. Was this here before? The gravestone had the symbol on it. 

The dirt starts to shift, bones and rotten flesh begin to emerge from the soil and configure themselves into a figure. Rusted nails and broken car parts float and add themselves to the body, hair and facial features emerge too. The whole flesh metal corpse is molded right in front of you. The skull in your hands flies out and connects to the body. Flesh and metal slither onto it. 

A girl. The skull and a whole bunch of other shit has become a girl with fucking horns. Her lids open, the gears trained on you again. Her mouth does weird shit before her lips open and... weird clicking noises? What the fuck. Wait, you have an idea.

You pull out your walky talky and put it to her throat. If she turns rusty nails into her actual nailed then why not a walky talky for a voice box. Her unholy combination of flesh and metal opens up and accepts your offer, pulling it into her and using it. 

“H- hello”

Wow, you did not expect that voice. You expected her to sound raspy and creepy but it just sounds like a voice from a real human.

“Who are- are you?”

“My name is Ah rah dee ah”

She speaks through single syllables, in perfect rhythm. You’re sure that if she wasn’t a fucking ghost, you’d totally be her friend. Maybe. Probably. 

“Aradia? If you don’t mind me asking, what are you.”

She stares at you for a few seconds, a lifeless stare before she speaks again, movements robotic. 

“Why don t I show you?”

She reached out her hand, shaking as if she hasn’t moved in a real body for millennia. You hesitate before taking her hand. You don’t feel any different. But then she pulls you and you go through her gravestone. What the fuck!? 

Your eyes widen to saucers. She doesn’t comment on it but fucking floats while holding your hand. You return to the cave? It’s even more lit up now, even the two before are dimly lit now. You hear whispers, whispers of the dead and doomed. 

She pulls you through the cave wall into another room you know no one but you and the dead knows. There’s an alter in the middle, three points connected to it. Each make a line towards three of the same symbol but each symbol is different. One is glowing red, green and blue lines trace it. On the alter is the gear yet again. Various statues are in the room too. You look on the ceiling to see a green monster. 

She pulls you away from it yet again. She brings you towards the town and you find yourself in Dave’s house and see him on his computer, in his room. 

“Listen.” 

Aradia whispers. You hear intently. You hear tick tocks yet again but they sound very muffled. You can definitely hear the rumbling of each tick and each tock, a steady drum laced with sick beats. It seemed to try to distract you from the steady rhythm but they’re still repeating themselves. What a cute conundrum. 

She pulls you with her and you follow with innocence. You’re back in the cave yet again. 

“I know that you will seek the others. Just know that the knight has warned you.” 

You reach out towards her, hands grasping her horns. Her form deteriorated into dust and you find yourself holding the skull. You hesitate before pecking the skull, muttering a thank you and putting the skull back. You hurry out of the cave, not noticing you’re missing your walkie talkie.

————-  
“I don’t know Aradia, are you sure this girl can be trusted?”

“She seemed nice and very curious”

“Oh, wow, you must have had fun with her”

“Oh sure, have the emotionless robot the first to meet such a charming girl. I bet that she’ll go in order and pick me eighth.”

“Hmm, I can’t see into her mind, perhaps she’s protected perhaps?”

“You can’t see anything Ter-“

“She gave me a voice”

“So? We all have a voice Aradia, we can all hear each other purrfectly.”

“She gave me a real voice”

“So What!? You’re going to give this fucking mortal human doucherag the fucking world just because she gave you a way to speak tangibly!? What a load of shit!”

“Calm down Karkat, I’m sure that the girl shall not return. She looked awfully spooked by Aradia’s display.”

“If you call giving her relic a big smooch spooked, I’m sure the little guppy will be spooked at my relic too~!”

“Woah, what are we motherfucking talking about again?”

“This is why I don’t talk to you morons anyway”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP”


	2. A butterfly

You are surprisingly okay with what happened last night. You were going to give it a few days but you found yourself attracted to the cave, it’s all you can think of. You can’t handle seeing Dave at all so you spend the whole day just thinking about Aradia and how awesome and shitty last night was. You should probably put this shit down. 

The sun is going down and you gear up, you have no idea what the next relic is, you forgot. You wear a big fleece jacket and get a helmet. Perhaps a camera? Nah, just bring the journal. You consider the little note rose gave you. Taurus is next. Searching the internet, you see that it represents a bull. Oh shit, uhhhhh. You get a red cloth in preparation. Time to wrestle a bull ghost you guess. 

It’s a quiet night. You make your way to the cave, equipped with a stick you found on the way. Perhaps you can calm down the bull? Or something... 

Entering the cave, you notice the ram skull still staring at you, soft tick tocks still ever present. You give a little wave timidly, knowing that she must be watching. You turn to the idol right of her and gulp, moving towards it to see what you’ll be dealing with. It’s...

A butterfly. You got all hectic over a butterfly. You sigh in great relief. Now, how do you hold it? 

You kinda, uh, just scoop it? Yeah, you scoop it gently into your hand and it comes to life. The wind starts to move, you feel it begin to twirl. The butterfly seems to be causing the wind. 

You stare at it, not sure what to do. A powerful gust of wind suddenly comes into the cave and you feel the butterfly go off. It hovers for a bit, flapping its wings before falling. You panic and quickly catch the insect. 

“Holy shit, are you okay?”

The butterfly looks up at you, seeming to want to talk to you. You hear the wind begin to howl in weird octaves, almost like a voice. 

“Yes, I am, uh, thanks”

You hear the timid whispy voice of the wind, you can only guess that the ghost was in the butterfly and talking through the wind. What the fuck even is sanity. 

“So, if the skull is Aradia, Who are you?” 

“My name? It’s uh, Tavros? Tavros.” 

Huh, it’s kinda like Taurus. You don’t know how the hell the sign of a bull is a butterfly but you’re at least happy he is nice. 

“So, wanna hang out for a while?”

“Uh, sure? I mean I could show you some stuff, especially the heir.”

“Oh yeah, that’s a thing you do. Air.”

“Uh, not what I meant but okay I guess”

“Well, how bout we hang and then you can show me the air.” 

“Okay, that’s fine”

He doesn’t seem that confident, must be being a fucking butterfly. You take Tavros out, taking your stuff because fuck any ghosts who want to take your shit. You take him to the park, it’s cool and dark at the park. You sit upon a bench and carefully put tavros down on it. You pick a few flowers and start making a daisy chain. You feel like 5 again.

“So Tavros, can you fly?” Shit, why did that slip out. 

“Uh, yeah I guess. I mean, I can’t really make myself tangible yet, all I have is a butterfly.”

“Oh, is that because you’re wind?”

“uh, breath actually, heh” oh my fucking god, that little chuckle was fucking adorable. 

“So, um, here’s a daisy chain”

You put the finished piece over him. He climbs on and inspects it.

“Oh, wow. This is actually really good.”

“Heh, thanks. So um, wanna show me the air?”

“Oh, uh, sure.”

You let him climb back into your hand and let the wind guide you. You somehow end up at John’s house?

“Here, let me, uh,”

The wind picks you up and steadily lifts you, placing you down onto John’s patio. You walk in and you creep into the room. Fuck, this is so wrong yet so right. You see John on his computer, probably pestering someone. But then you feel it.

It’s a flow of air, a small current of wind. It’s cool and constant, seeming to surround John. You hesitantly put your hand into the wind, feeling it. John’s head turns to look at you. You jolt out of his house as quietly as you can, heart pumping out of your chest. 

“So, that was the air? John’s air?”

“Well, it’s, um, more like john is the heir.”

“Holy shit, so you like gave him powers or some shit!?”

“No, it’s more like he was born with them? Some people are more, uh, attuned? To their aspect, especially heirs, I think...”

“Hooooly shit Tavros, this is creepy and frightening and surprisingly awesome as shit!?” You pause for a bit, gaining your breath. You turn back to him. 

“Thank you.”

“Uhhh, you’re welcome”

You finish your night by bringing Tavros back to the cave. The skull yet again lights up and you’re being stared by the ghost. 

“Seems like I’ve caught Aradia’s attention, haven’t I?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Y’know, you’re a really cool dude Tavros. It was fun hanging out with you.” You said as you put him back on the pedestal. 

“It was fun hanging- hanging out with you too.”

You put the daisy chain around him. 

“That’s a gift for you, and here’s another.”

You kneel down, close your eyes and purse your lips. You feel the small tongue of the butterfly kiss your lips. You can’t help but let out a tiny giggle. So fucking adorable. 

You pull back and wave awkwardly. You pack up your stuff and leave, your cheeks a little warmer than usual. 

—————-

“So little Tavros is fiiiiiiiinally getting some action, huh?”

“She was really, really nice”

“That was pawsitively purrfect! hehehe, I don’t know if I should ship it pale or red!”

“Oh my fucking- how long is this shit going to go!? How long til one of us finally comes out and fucking obliterates her?”

“In bed? I don’t think it’s loooooooong”

“Shut it Serket”

“Sollux, you’re next”

“Yeah, I know. I don’t think we’ll be anywhere near close.”

“Aradia, why do you always watch her? You don’t have to.”

“I know, she’s just more fun to see in relic form.”

“You mean spooking her?”

“She’s interesting, I’ll give you that.”


	3. The carving of twins

You have been feeling kinda weird lately. You’re hearing dead things, or is that the wind? God, you don’t know. It just doesn’t stop. You press your ear against the ground to get away from the wind and you hear the bones and the rotting roots as time goes by, the ever present destruction. But then you listen to the wind and it’s fleeting thoughts. You hear the wishes for freedom, the daydreams, floating in the clouds. You feel both the cool of the breeze and the heat of gears. You feel these in your senses and it stimulates you, yet you crave more. 

You can hear the breath and time of your friends now. Passing by John at the store, the wind that only you can feel hardens, almost like it’s protecting him, whether he’s aware or not. You like to think that part of him is. You definitely know that strider is though. He watches you like a hawk. You think he sensed that night you were in his room, no matter how incorporeal you were.

You’re very tempted to run at him and scream at how he was right but that’s probably not the best idea. Perhaps you should ask rose? Maybe, but right now you’re searching the Internet about the next one. Gemini.

Apparently Gemini has this double thingy, being twins and all. Is it two gods? Or one??? You don’t know. You grab some gloves because it’s cold tonight. You don’t bring as much stuff because you’re pretty sure you’re just gonna hang out with them and then come back, maybe see one of your friends? Yeah.

Heading towards the cave, you suddenly bump into someone. 

“Oh shit! Sorry- Jake?” O fuck oh fuck, you’re fucked. 

“Oh, Y/n! You’re here!? What’s a lady like you doing in the forest in the middle of the night?”

“Uhhhh, that’s a good question! Uhhhhhh I’m trying to find my lost cat! Yeah, she ran a few days ago and I’ve been trying to find her ever since!”

“Oh, then why didn’t you tell anyone? I’m sure we’d be glad to help in the search!”

“Oh, no, I just didn’t want anyone to worry. Hopefully she’ll come back, she always does.”

“Huh. Well, I guess I’ll leave you to your searching. I just came back from a cave, apparently one of the relics had a daisy chain around it! It was surprising, nothing about that cave has changed in a long time!

“Oh- oh isn’t that just interesting! Say, I have to go back looking for my cat, I’ll see you later, Have a safe trip back Jake!”

You hurried along, not wanting to waste anymore time. Shit, now Jake is probably suspicious about you too!

You get into the cave, the howling of the wind and the rhythm of the drips from the water calming you. You once again hear ticking. You turn and smile at the skull. 

“Good evening Aradia” You bend down and kiss her on the nose. 

“I’m guessing both you and Tavros have been affecting me, huh?” You don’t expect a reply but her eyes flicker to her left. 

“Oh yes, the next relic. I’m quite excited to meet this one, two” You chuckle at your pun. You gently try to pet tavros but you’re shaking too much so you just pat his pedestal. You finally step in front of the third relic. 

It’s a carving of twins, made of rotting wood and joined together with what seems to be wires of metal. You suck in a deep breath, preparing yourself, before picking up the relic. Nothing. You decide to investigate it. Each side is completely symmetrical. Perhaps you gotta touch the metal part???

You touch it and you immediately cry out. Pain beyond belief hits you like a punch to the soul. Suffering, pain, the electric augmentation of the hopelessness of humanity hits you like lighting. You can only think of one word to describe the feeling of destruction and suffocating order: Doom. 

It slowly subsides and you’re left twitching on the cold stone ground. You heavily breathe. A cool breeze collects at your cheek, as if someone is gently caressing and calming you. You feel wetness in your face that you realize are tears. 

“Wow, you’re even more pathetic in real life.”

You can’t even think well enough. You feel very hazy, were you hit by a train? You feel something grabbing your arm and leg, hoisting you up. Your eyes flutter, focusing on the blob in front of you. You finally recognize the figure in front of you to be one of the twins of the relic, various pieces of wires and metal sticking out of his rotting wood corpse. 

“Wh-wh-who the fuck are you?” You ask, trembling. 

“The name’th thollux” he says, with a small smirk. And a lisp, wow. You can actually feel now and you’re feeling hands on you. You turn your head to see another sollux, probably the other twin. 

“Uhhh so are you one god with two bodies or two gods with one name?” 

“What do you think?” He asks, in a sarcastic tone.

“Uhhhh, you two were- well, are- the third relic and now are big and wow have you ever had a threesome, like, ever?”

The one holding you drops you in disgust. You luckily catch yourself before hitting your head on stone and manage to straighten yourself up. 

“That’th fucking dithguthting.”

“I bet it would be fucking awethome” you say, mocking their lisp. They both seem to step away from you in disgust, even though one of them is still smiling. Happy disgust? You have conflicting feelings on this god(th).

“Shut the fuck up pathetic human, you have only thcraped at the thurfathe of my power.”

“Oh yeah, turning into wood and metal, so powerful.”

“ I thwear, I will thting you”

“Whatever, cmon. Let’s go somewhere.”

You grab both their hands and tug them along. They grumble and speak in a tongue you don’t recognize but overall it’s easier than you’d thought it would be. 

You bring them to your really old tree house. It’s kinda a hassle to get them to climb it but then you learn that they can hover so you force them to get into the treehouse. You settle them down and put blankets on them. 

“Oh shit, my gameboy! I’ve been looking for this for years!” You open it up and turn it on. 

“Shit, it’s out of energy.” You pout and sigh sadly. Oh wait a minute, you have a battery right next to you. You felt and saw what came out of those metal pieces, it was fucking electricity!

“Hey Sollux,” you say, getting there attention. “Charge this for me and I’ll let you play~” you say, trying to seduce them into playing it. They roll their ominous black and white eyes and one sticks a metal piece into the port. Purple electricity runs into the gameboy and it suddenly turns on. 

You show them how to play one of your games and suddenly they’re supper into it. Each one has a hand on the gameboy, playing as if they’re one person. You yawn and rest your head on one of sollux’s shoulder. You slip into sleep. You thought they would push you away but you guess not. 

When you wake up, you feel so content. A little cold but still content. It almost feels as if you’re being held by four people. Too bad it’s only two people, sollux and sollux. Or maybe one person then??? Your eyes feel droopy again. You feel around for sollux A’s face. You give him a kiss, right on the cheek. You then feel for Sollux B’s face. You kiss him on the other cheek. You slip into sleep once again.

Once you wake up, you’re in your own bed. 

——————————  
“WHAT THE FUCK SOLLUX!?”

“Wow Sollux, I didn’t know that you could be such a charmer, hehehe.”

“Sollux, that was so adorabubble! The little guppy looked so content in your arms! I wish my turn would come faster!” 

“WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK!?”

“AAAAH, I cant wait furr my turn either!! She’s just so purrfect!! I just want to tackle her and rip off her clothes and-“

“Nepeta, that’s very lewd.”

“Well look who has finally join us~ are you as stuck in the little bitch’s web as captor? Is that why you finally came out of your dark hole?”

“I really like her, she’s really nice.”

“I agree with you Tavros, I find myself quite enamored.”

“WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK!??”

“You do realize you’re next?”

“FUCK YOU, FUCK HER, FUCK ALL OF YOU! I CANT BELIEVE EVEN YOU WERE PULLED INTO HER PATHETIC TRAP!!! SHE JUST WALTZ IN, TOUCHES YOUR RELIC, YOU TALK, HAVE A “NICE TIME” AND THEN YOU’RE SUDDENLY IN LOVE!? NO, NO, THATS NOT HAPPENING, FUCK NO, FUCK YOU.”

“You’re still awfully quiet Sollux. I do realize that you’re having conflicted feelings for y/n.”

“Thanks AA but I think I’m gonna sleep for a couple millennia.”

“RATHER YOU DO THAT THAN SLEEP WITH HER BLACK OR RED YOU FUCKING TRAITOR”

“Woah, chill bro. Lil sis being the one charmed, miracles I say. Motherfucking miracles.”

“Hmmph, at least I plan to be nice to her once I talk to her”

“Shut up Eridan.”


	4. The Sickle

Interestingly enough, you’re feeling not only the dead but now the doomed. Every visit to the hospital gives you voices, voices of the damned. You can hear the thoughts of depression, thoughts of suicide, thoughts of the insane. This is worse then the dead. While the thoughts of the dead are usually regret or wishful thinking, the doomed know that they’re going to die, they can’t stop it. It suffocates you. 

The only thing that stops you from going insane is breath. You hear voices of the freed, voices of the clouds, those who are constantly moving. Funnily enough, you understand what’s happening now. 

Every time you meet another god, you must be feeling their presence. The hospital must be visited a lot by Sollux. The cemetery and ground is where Aradia must reside, floating through it. Tavros must be around you a lot because it’s always windy. That and you feel your spirits soar. 

The only downside (other constant feelings of sorrow, dread and apathy), is that your friends are getting very... antsy around you. They often shy away from you, probably sensing doom and death on you. You wonder if whether the three (four?) are just always around you or they rubbed off on you.

It’s two days until you go to the cave, and yes you did that just for sollux. Eat my ass beeboy. You come to the part you’re dreading. Cancer. The crab. You’re either gonna get an actual crab or a crab person or something. You packed a flask with hot coco and an extra pair of clothes because fuck is it chilly. You can feel your nipples harden even with three layers. Hopefully you don’t get actual cancer from this.

You enter the cave and as you guessed it, the skull flickers on. A warm red glow from her comforts you. An orange glow comes from the butterfly but the pedestal glows blue??? Huh, that’s a cool symbol. The carving’s eyes glow an ugly yellow and a black symbol glows with baby vomit green. 

You do your small ritual (you find that word fitting), kissing each one, licking sollux just to piss him off. The metal sparks with red and blue electricity. 

“Yeah, Yeah, whatever dipshit.” You roll your eyes playfully. You jump when you felt yourself get stung in the butt.

“OW SHIT!” You rub your butt. “Not cool dude!”

You move over to the fourth relic. There’s no ominous glow to this one, only illuminated by the moonlight. A glint of metal catches your eye. You say fuck it and reach out your hand to it. 

It’s... a sickle? What the shit? At least the others at least were made of shit that was at least once alive, why a fucking sickle? Touching it doesn’t cause the walls to melt or anything. You play with it, spin it in your hand, slash at imaginary enemies with it. 

You get zapped again and you swear you hear laughing. You stop and flip the bird at the carving. Even more laughing. You play with the sickle.

“Don’t FUCK with me! I’ve got three gods AND anime on my side!!!” You say, accidentally slicing your hand on the sickle. “SHIT”

You clench your hand, trying to stop the pain but it’s pouring a lot of blood. Like, a lot of blood. Holy shit, you’re feeling hazy again. Ugh, fuck blood loss. 

You watch as your blood hits the floor. The puddle of your life force starts to move, twisting and pulling itself into form. It turns into a humanoid form before congealing into flesh and bone. Hair and facial features slowly form. When the body is fully formed, it’s a guy. You can tell by looking down, he’s butt naked. 

His eyes open, revealing menacing crimson eyes. Everything but his eyes look human. So much for cancer you guess. His lips part as he speaks his first words. 

“ATTENTION WORTHLESS HUMAN, THIS IS YOUR GOD SPEAKING. IT IS A WRATHFUL GOD WHO DESPISES YOU MORE THAN YOU COULD POSSIBLY DARED TO FEAR. YOU HAVE SEDUCED THE OTHERS WITH YOUR CHEAP WORDS AND FLASHING OF THE EYE HAIRS BUT I WILL NOT FALL INTO YOUR DECEITFUL TRAP OF KINDNESS. I COMMAND YOU TO STOP THIS INANE QUEST OF ROMANCING THE ELDRITCH GODS AT ONCE YOU SHITTY CORPSE WORM. NOW LEAVE THIS FUCKING CAVE BEFORE I FUCKING OBLITERATE YOU FROM THE INSIDE OUT. THIS IS WHAT YOUR GOD HAS COMMANDED!”

“Hi, I’m y/n, what’s your name?” You put out your hand for him to shake. He squints at you. 

“DID YOU NOT HEAR WHAT I JUST SAID TO YOU? LEAVE THIS FUCKING CAVE FOREVER!” 

“Sure but your name first please, also a hand shake, if you will.” You wave your hand in front of him and he grabs it. 

“My name is KARKAT, NOW GET PUNISHED YOU MORTAL FREAK” 

You feel your hand getting hotter until you feel like you’re touching molten lava. You shriek and try to get him to release your hand but it’s too much. You’re feeling pain, almost like the first time you touched sollux’s relic but... different. 

Instead of the sickening digging sorrow you felt of doom, this one is like fire, like lava it flows through your veins. It feels like anger and hot suffering. Yet, you can feel something else... something pulling you apart yet holding you together. The bonds between family, friends, loved ones, relationships and kinship. It burns but it burns brightly, a bright neon red that connects everything. You calm yourself and let it run through you, all you can hear is your rush of blood. 

You open your eyes to see him still standing there, holding your arm with that rage filled expression. He’s shivering.

“Are you cold?”

His face goes through a hilarious amount of expressions, going through all five stages of grief in two seconds, it was glorious. 

“F- yeah, sure” he said, WAY more timidly. You turned and got down to search for those extra clothes. You brought a swimsuit (in case you had to swim), a towel (in case you needed to get dry), old pe shorts (in case your pants got wet), a red shirt (in case your shirt got wet), another jacket (in case your jacket got, well, wet) and some panties (in case your panties got....... moist.) hehehe. 

You bundled them up and gave them to him. He just stared at them, seemingly not knowing how to even put them on. You sighed and took the panties. You lifted his leg. 

“What the fuck are you doing!?” He asked, an adorable flush highlighting his cheeks. You manage to put his leg into the leg hole and was now helping his other leg. 

“Clothing you, you can’t just be naked.” You then pull the panties up, being mindful of his... stuff. He’s a little cold but he’s actually living flesh. You wonder what else he could do. You helped him put on the other clothes.

“Sorry the clothes are so thin, I thought I was going to deal with a crab or something and, like, go to the beach.” You say, pulling out your flask of coco. 

“That’s fucking idiotic,” thank god he’s not screaming anymore, “Why would you bring thin clothes if we were going to the beach anyway? It’s still night time!” 

“Well, when you put it that way....”

“You are such a dumbass” 

“Yeah, the dumbass who’s stopping you from having frostbite!” You opened the flask and put it to his mouth. “Here, drink this.”

He takes it and sips a little. His eyes widen and then he’s gulping away at your hot coco, oh well. You put the towel around him and pull him towards you. He seems more interested in the hot coco though. You tug him along towards your house. 

Entering your house, you realize that you have brought a guy to your house. A guy made from your own blood made from a god. His eyes glows through the darkness as you search for the switch. 

“You still cold?” 

“Get me more of this warm sweet liquid unintelligent mortal” his voice is a lot softer and less raspy now, he must really like it. You guide him to your couch and throw a blanket on him. You go into the kitchen to make more coco. 

Bringing in three mugs of coco, you sit yourself next to him and make yourself comfortable under the blanket with him. Oh yeah, it’s super comfortable in here. You can feel the familiar feelings of your friends too. 

“I’m guessing you can sense them too?” You ask. He scoffs and reaches a hand up and grabs at something. You hear a squeal and you can see he’s holding a hand made of pink lightning, what the shit balls. He lets go and it disappears. 

“Fuck, not only Aradia,  
tavros and sollux in this room but nepeta too? I get one chance to be alone and these fuckers-“

“So you can see them?” He turns to you with annoyance. 

“Fuck yeah I can see them, they’re part of my pantheon! We can see and sense each other.”

“Well, when can I see them?”

“I have no fucking idea, you can certainly sense them and that was only after the second day. Who knows, maybe you’ll become a god at this rate” he takes another sip to that. You consider it, sitting up and taking a sip of coco yourself. You feel an arm around your stomach and another on your shoulder. You turn to look at Karkat, he still has both hands around his mug. He growls. 

“Wow guys, how not creepy it is to grope the girl you just met.” He says grumpily. Two other arms join them, squeezing your boobs, you yelp. 

“Nepeta! Sollux! What the fuck!?” He screams, his face a bit redder. You huff and stand the fuck up before getting a small sting in the butt. 

“Ow! I guess this is my punishment for even thinking about you guys, huh?” You ask, rubbing your butt. You go and turn the tv on, hopefully to the distract the 4+ gods in the room. You come back next to Karkat with the remote.

“Sorry about that, I’m pretty sure we’re fucked up. All 36 of us.”

“36!? I’m gonna be talking to 36 gods?”

“If you want to go insane! Like I said, stop while you only have three gods chasing you. Well, maybe four...”

“Mmmm, Nah. Sorry but I’m stubborn.”

“What the fuck, why!? All this will do is destroy you!”

“Look karkat, Ive got a one word answer for that: yolo”

“Yolo?”

“You only live once. I wanna feel every single shit feeling that you guys can give me. Throw it all at me! My body is ready! And yes, I can and will have sex with all of you!” You declared stupidly. Karkat just stared at you, jaw dropped. You smirk at your big middle finger to the universe. You were gonna get fucked by gods either way. 

You reach over and give him a big gigantic smooch on the lips. He just continues to stare, too shocked to even register that. Suddenly, within a second, his body degenerates and molds into a small chain. He left his physical body. You laugh and you laugh hard.

———————  
“Help me, I think I’m in love. She’s too purrfect, so purrecious!”

“Wow Karkat, that surprisingly went well.” 

“I can’t beleive it.”

“Sollux, did you really have to put your hand against her breast?”

“Where else would I put it? Her head?”

“I can’t fucking beleive it”

“That girl is the master of motherfucking miracles, honk.” 

“I can’t beleive how fUCKING INANE BULLSHITT TJIS IS, SHES GONNA TRY, SHES GONAN TRY TO IMPRINT ALL OF US”

“Oh yes, I can’t wait hehehe”

“And if she does? It’s quite a feat, you must admit. It’s amazing that she even managed to imprint with four of us, most can only ever do one.” 

“I have a f-eel-ing, hehehe, that this gill will be speshell”


	5. 5. The Hide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> YO FINALLY SOME SEX

You awaken, slipping out of the bed after bribing yourself with the promise of warm coco. You rub the chain you received last night. It wasn’t really big, you wear it around your ring finger. You drink your hot coco as you check your calendar. 

Oh shit, Jade’s coming to town! You almost totally forgot about her! You agreed for her to spend her time at your house. So much for bringing back the eldritch gods home. Plus, Jake is probably going to come over to greet his cousin a couple of times, also John, he’s her sister after all. Oh dear god. 

Including gods, you’re going to have to get the next one now. If you leave during the night, Jade will be destined to become suspicious as well. You have felt Karkat’s influence upon you only once, when you looked at a picture of you and your parent. 

You get ready and get your hike on to the cave. It looks very different compared to night. It seems almost normal, if you ignore the carvings on the wall. You waltz in and begin your routine, licking the sickle just for shits and giggles. You nuzzle the butterfly, you feel like you haven’t been giving him any love lately and you needed to make up for it. Perhaps a few dates....

You stand in front of the next relic, the hide of a beast. You cautiously put your hand through the fur of it, the creature seeming to resemble a feline. Well, this is Leo, of course it would be a cat. Nothing is happening though, perhaps you should put it on? 

You put on the hide, Wow this thing is big, It reaches the floor of the cave. You dance around in it, act like a tiger and crawl on four legs. You can feel eyes watching you, it’s quite funny. After an hour of doing different things with it, you give up. What are you supposed to do!? 

You feel a familiar sting on your cheek, but this time a bit duller. You feel sollux right next to you. Was that... was that a kiss? You can’t help but smile a little, hehehe, he kissed you.

“So I gotta give it a kiss? That’s not so bad.” You shrugged. You closed your eyes and pecked the fur of the big dead cat. Suddenly, you felt someone kissing back. Warm, delicious lips molded with yours. You feel... warmth. You feel like you can feel the person, it’s invigorating. They feel... unique. You feel love, appreciation. You feel just so happy. You begin to feel something else, you feel... yourself? You feel you as a soul, a small white soul. You feel another soul next to you... this one is a bright olive color, currently wrapping around you, making you glow hot pink. You can also feel your physical heart pumping harder. The feeling only lingers after you pull away. 

In front of you is a girl made of heart, made of hot pink flames that surround olive veins. Her heart itself is green too, yet her “skin” is still made of that same pink flames. She wears the hide you wore, you can’t believe it. She looks like the arm that... 

“Nepeta?” You ask her, she just giggles. 

“The one and only” wow, she’s cute.

“Ok so uhhhh, what are we gonna do?” 

“Well, we have a purrty to go to. Purrhaps we should go? It is at your house.” 

“Wait, how the hell do you know that!?”

“I can feel it, when your furriend jade comes over, a lot of your furriends will come over too.”

“So what, you can see the future? Is that one of your mythical powers?”

“Nah, I can feel it. It’s purretty easy to guess.” 

“Well, shit, how are you going to go?”

“Like this”

She bends down onto all fours and suddenly starts to.... change. The hide becomes a part of her as she configures herself into... a cat. Your cat in fact. She jumps into your arms and purrs. Well, now you can tell Jake you found your cat. Nepeta nuzzles your chest as you’re walking. It’s time for preparation. 

The time of the party comes fast. You wait impatiently for Jade’s arrival. You have gotten groceries and made some chicken soup. You also brought out chairs. 

The door bell rings. You fly off the couch and open the door. Dark shades and blonde hair greet you. Dave strider. 

“Welcome Dave,” you try not to stutter or say anything that might elicit the wrong response, “come on in, take a seat!” You step back to allow him in. 

“I’m actually quite surprised, you’re the only one on time.” You say to try to calm yourself down, stalling. You subconsciously keep going backwards. 

“Funny because I am the only time. Well, until a few days ago.” He said, taking the pitcher of water, a cup and pouring himself a drink. He drank the water and let both go in the air. They stay, not effected by gravity. 

“I’m guessing you had the pleasure of meeting Aradia, she haunts me.” You say carefully. 

“Yeah, then again, others do too. Hi Nepeta.” Nepeta meows at him, rubbing her body on his leg like an actual cat. “I gotta say Y/n, it was cool sharing the first day, it got serious by the third. John told me he thought he saw you. You were letting Tavros show you the other breath user, it was okay. But then you lied to Jake and went to Sollux. Good job on getting back your ‘cat’.”

He looks at the chain that’s wrapped around your finger. “And yesterday was Karkat. How long l/n? How long until you stop? How long until you break down!?” 

You blinked at him. “Break down? Because of the gods? Dave, I’m fine! It’s cool and all that you got time powers but to confront me? I’m fine! The only side effect I get is sensing things and having a little less privacy, I’m fine.” 

Dave seemed like he wanted to say more but you both sensed someone coming up to your door. 

“Fine y/n but as soon as something huge happens, I’m pulling you out of the cave.” He captures the pitcher of water, which is now close to the ground, and returns it to the table, full of water. He gets the cup and drinks. There’s knocks at the door. 

You take a deep breath, fix yourself up briefly and head for the door. You open it to find Jade!!! You squeal and run at her with open arms. She hugs you wish extra zeal, swinging you around in her muscular arms. You fucking love this woman. 

You quickly pick up her luggage and haul it up to her room, talking with her on the way. John, Jake and Jane step into the house as you help Jade set up. 

“Oh wow, she found her cat!” Jake exclaimed, getting on his knees to pet the cat. The kitty purred and rubbed her face all over Jake’s hand. “I didn’t know Y/n got a cat!” John said, bending down to also pet the cute kitty. “She doesn’t.”

Dirk strider waltz right in, Roxy and Rose right behind him. Before John can ask about what dirk said, you return into the living room with Jade. 

“Well shit, you all are here! Let’s have dinner!” With that, everyone begins talking to one another as you take out your prepared dishes. Your cat rubs her face against Dirk as you bring out a huge pot of spaghetti. 

“Dang l/n, that’s a lot of sghetti!” 

“Well Roxy, that’s not the only thing I made!” You say, running back into the kitchen. You pause when you notice a glimpse of light. You twirl around to see Rose. Oh dear lord, you thought it would be someone to confront you. 

“So, how has you trips to the cave been?” You get the oven mittens so she can’t see your hands twitching. 

“Uhhhh, pretty good. Magical shit, Y’know?”

“Oh, I know,” she says as you pull out the roast chicken from the oven. “I’ve been with two.” You almost drop the chicken. “Oh but you’ve only imprinted with five? You haven’t had any... intimate moments with them, have you?” You can feel her fucking smug smirk. You shudder as you pull off the oven mittens to get the knife. 

“I- I- n- not yet?” You say, feeling uncomfortably cold. As if tentacles are slithering around your body. The feeling goes away as Dirk comes into the kitchen. 

“Can you take your cat? She scratched the hell out of my leg” You sigh and take Nepeta from his arms, pulling her towards you. Rose pets Nepeta on the head, making her purr. 

“Well, I see that you’re well and not crushed under the weight of reality... yet. Dave doesn’t mean to be aggressive but there’s a reason why we only ever imprint one god. Hello Nepeta,” Nepeta replies back with a meow, “hopefully something will happen that’ll help you. Something like a seer giving you advice.” You have no idea what she’s talking about. She leans into your ear and whispers. “It’s true, if you continue you shall be destroyed but if you somehow imprint all of them, you shall become a god yourself.”

She pulls herself away, a serious frown on her concerned face. She walks away and leaves you in the kitchen with Nepeta in your arms. Nepeta rubs her cheek on yours in comfort. 

The party ends and everyone goes home, saying their goodbyes and what a nice night they had. Jade retires to her room early, tired from the long flight. She grants you goodnight. 

You carry Nepeta towards your own room, putting her on your bed. She changes back into her more humanoid, yet not at all human, form. You turn around to take off your clothes. 

“You did purretty good y/n, I would even say-“

“Tell me something Nepeta,” you turn to look at her, eyes tearing up. “If I continue, am I really going to die?” 

She stares at you, her face sobering. She hesitates before answering. 

“Maybe. Many without a born class cannot even handle imprinting one. They can’t handle the pure feeling of our aspect.” Your breaths are heavy as you try not to cry. “But you, you already imprinted five. More than anyone else has! You’re strong y/n!”

Her words encourage you, making you stop your tears and rub your eyes hastily. You feel her arms pull you into her embrace, holding you close to her. She presses kisses onto your cheeks and licks your tears away. You give a half hearted chuckle and relax into her. Her pink energy feeling warm. You can hear her heartbeat. 

She lays more kisses on you before fully kissing you on the lips. You kiss back, putting your hands onto her hips. She continues to kiss you, fortunately taking this slow for you. You pull apart to take a gentle breath, you lay back to let her do what she wants to you. She smiles and just keeps showering you with kisses. 

You sigh, shaking as she goes more down. She slips your pants off and pauses, her eyes asking for permission. You moan a yes at her, she removes your underwear and gets to work. You can’t help but shiver as you feel that delicious tongue delve into your fold. She definitely knows what she’s doing. You moan, you swear, you tear up your sheets as she rocks your world. 

After a while, she pulls up and shows you her... tentacle? Woah, she got both??? Damn, you’re in for a ride. 

“Kitty excited?” She asks, almost in a mocking way. You smirk back and kiss up her stomach, “very, but is this kitty ready?” You turn over and present your ass to her. She giggles and gropes your butts, rubbing herself on it. 

“Very~” 

Once she’s on you, she slowly slips into you. You try to keep your breath even but the slow stretch of your insides tingles, you can help but let out little sounds. 

“Oh, oH FUCK,” you yelped as she thrusted a bit, directly hitting that sweet spot. You held on to the pillow, bringing it close to you. Nepeta made a purring sound as she started on a steady pace. She kept one hands on your hip and another lightly brushing her nails against your skin. 

“You know, I’ve been watching you for a while,” she started, her voice more lower and husky, “you are quite the catch~” She hovers over you, her bigger frame almost engulfing you. You try to stay quiet as to not awaken Jade but it’s getting really hard. 

“You’re, mmph, not like the other humans,” she’s getting more breathless, heart and body pounding harder. “You have so, so, so, so much more.... potential” You have no idea what she’s saying but you just know that she can’t stop. You groan, forgetting about Jade and staying quite.

She’s getting close, you are too. She holds you closer, growling. Her nails dig into your hips, mixing pain with pleasure. You moan out as the pleasure shoots up and then floats down. You lay there, panting and heaving. She flops down next to you and snuggles you before licking your face. You just kiss her cheek and slip into sleep.

When you awaken, you notice that you’ve slept very good for once. Maybe you just needed a little loving. You smile and stretch out your back. You take notice of the little cuts of where her nails sliced into your skin. You hide it with a shirt simply and shorts as you make your way to the kitchen to get your usual hot cocoa. 

You notice the cat brushing against your legs as you’re making your coco. You smiled and pet her. You don’t feel Nepeta in this cat but you’re sure that she’ll be back.

_____________________________

“Whelp, time to kill myself.”

“Karkat, you’re immortal. The only way to kill you is-“

“Karkitty is just jealous that I was the furrst to make love to the fair maiden.” 

“I think most of us are Nepeta.”

“But Kanaya! You and that human R-“ 

“I know! I know but relations with humans are more complicated than just one day together and then sex.”

“Hahahaha, fussy fangs being the maternal god again. Seriously though Maryam, relax. Besides, you’re next. Don’t tell me you’re gonna miss out on the chance to get human pus-“

“Don’t even fucking say it”

“Pussy.”

“Hehehe, the pussy fucked her pussy.”

“I hate the English language.”


	6. The glass candle lamp

This might be challenging. You’re going to have to plan everyday Jade is here to somehow get to the cave and have a god with you for a whole day for a whole week. You consider writing this all down in your journal. 

You decide to write in your journal. ‘Dear Princess Celestia-‘ no, Wait. That’s stupid. This is stupid, you don’t even know how to write in a Journal! You just wrote everything in high school as messy notes. Might as well do this now. Hmmmmm.

Aries (the ram) Aradia ???. Ram’s skull. Dead girl, physical body made from dead shit and metal. Has fucking time powers. Dave has time powers too???? Estimated age: fucking old. Most likely just done with life. Probably stalks Y/n everywhere. Author’s notes: should make notes on Dave. 

Yeah, that sounds like her. Before you can start on Tavros, a butterfly lands on your shoulder. Well that’s convenient. 

“Hey dude, I’m gonna write about you!” You say to the butterfly. It looks up at you... it looks different actually. What if that’s just a regular butterfly? It’s not that colorful... Wait, is it a moth? Oh, it’s a moth. 

“Whoops, Sorry. Thought you were another person!” You say to the moth. You can definitely feel a soul in the moth. You turn back to your journal. 

 

Taurus (the bull) Tavros ???. Butterfly. Unknown if has a humanoid form? Uses butterfly as physical form. Really cute. Has windy thing. John also has windy thing. Authors note: do a john notes. Estimated age: why does this exist, they’re all gods, of course they’re all fucking old. (Oh no my karkat came out) also follows y/n but more like a breeze. 

Okay, you can’t go on any longer. This fucking moth is radiating some aura or some shit and it’s very distracting. You feel something in it, you’re feeling it’s soul. That’s probably an affect of imprinting Nepeta, getting soul powers (or at least sensing) but this, this doesn’t feel like just a moth. It feels like it’s part of something. Something bright, something intoxicating. 

The moth takes flight and you follow it. You walk straight out of the door and run after the moth in your pjs. The moth flies into the cave, you follow without hesitation. 

The moth lands on the pedestal next to Nepeta’s. Whatever soul was inside has disappeared. You swore you heard laughter. Upon the pedestal was a beautiful candle. It’s wick is lit with a small white flame that melts the wax. It’s inside a small woman that’s made of glass. She’s designed in such a way that the wax pours and solidifies again, making the candle almost infinite. She seems painted yet you can still see the light through her. Her little arms are stationed in front of her, as if she’s beckoning you to come into her arms so she can pull you into a motherly embrace. 

You wrap your hands around her, closing your eyes to feel the soul inside. Nothing yet. Suddenly you feel it and it moves, changing the glass. The huge expansive feeling pushing out like a spiral inside, reaching out and expanding. It’s the feeling of beginning, of setting, the location, the space. 

You open your eyes to see a beautiful lady made of glass. She glows as if a candle, skin white and clear, hair, clothes and eyes see through as if painted on. 

“Hello Y/n, it’s nice to finally meet you.” She says, her accent light and graceful. You’re enchanted. 

“Oh, yeah, uh, what’s your name?” You mentally slap yourself for making you sound like an idiot. 

“I’m Kanaya.” She says, “Sorry that I had to interrupt you, I thought that this would be the appropriate time to meet you. You see, Jade is about to take her walk. If you want to, we can get there and say hello.” 

“Wait, how do you know Jade? And why would you want to say hello to her?” Is there something obvious that you’re not getting? 

“Well, She is the Witch. She came to this cave years ago and did the same thing you did. She gained powers and has been imprinted me.” She explains. Oh yes, you know everything now. No, you don’t but meh. She stands up straight and her flames turn into a jade green yet her glass skin seems to darken and reveal colors of the galaxy, swirling and twinkling yet still a part of her. 

“Oh wait, I almost forgot!” You quickly rush to the previous four, giving each a kiss per tradition. You notice Karkat’s pedestal, a faintly glowing symbol of what seems like a slash, three rivulets of blood dripping from it. Oddly, it’s scratched a lot. Nepeta’s is a pink heart, very like her you think. Her hide was turned into your cat but still feelings seep through you, intoxicating but you must pull away. Kanaya opens her arms and you accept the embrace. You feel almost like you’ve imploded but then expanded once again. 

The air is different, not the humid neutral mist of the cave but the still cool air of your house. You release your hold on the goddess and turn only to run into Jade! 

“woah, y/n! You’ve met Kanaya!?” She asks rather excitedly. “Uhhhh, yeah?” You say timidly. Fuck, is this good? Is this bad? “This is awesome! You’re going to get space powers too! This will be awesome but I’ve got to run, see ya!” She said as she went pass you two and out the door. “And you got a package!” 

“Uhhhhhh, please, make yourself at home Kanaya!” You give a nerdy curtsy and run towards the door embarrassed. A small box on your front steps. You bend down and pick it up, giving it a quick smell. Aw yeah, the good kush. Hell, you doubt you can get high the same way after six gods but you’re not wasting such sweet shit. You tiptoe towards your stash and hide the box away for safe keeping before going back to the living room.

Kanaya is sitting on the couch, hands folding together on her crystalline skirt. She stares at the wall awkwardly. “I don’t... I must confess, I’m not that familiar with,” She makes a little hum, thinking, “human things.”

...........is this why she’s the virgin? Is she talking about sex? Because you’d be glad to- 

“I’m usually more in tune with nature then man made things. The earth, the air, the water, the moths, the frogs, things like these.” She says as you take your place next to her. “Yet to touch any of these I must-“ “you must be in a man made object.” You complete her sentence. You regret saying that, the silence is choking. 

You hate silence now. Fuck silence. It makes every other sound oh so clearer. You could hear the echoed flicker of the flames inside her. You feel a hand on your cheek, pulsing and warm. Nepeta? Or is this Karkat? Probably Nepeta.

“How... are you doing?” She asks, you feel guilty for making her have to break the silence. “I’m... well. Kinda pumped having you here! Do you want to do anything?”

“Well, how bout you decide?” She smiles and only now you see the fangs. “Uh, why not... go to the abandoned playground?” 

“What’s a playground?”

You show her the playground. You usually come here to do deals and get the hooha. You sit upon one of the two swing seats that is miraculously not broken. Very rusty though, you feel Aradia’s presence. Yet it’s somehow.... different.... anyway, you pat on the seat. Kanaya gets the gesture and sits by next to you.

You test out the swing, the chains making high squeaking noises. Kanaya watched you skeptically. As you swung, bits and pieces of rust would fall. Kanaya made a small annoyed noise. “This playground is falling apart, if only something could be done for it...” She said before lighting up. Literally.

You swung to a slow to watch the spectacle. She grips the chain and focuses. Her whole body turns into a window of the cosmos. The stars align themselves into her hands and shine a bright green. It passes into the metal and spirals out. The metal turn from a flaky red to a slick steel. 

She returns to her normal white. Your jaw is open wide, amazed. She fixed the whole playground! The entire feeling of the area changed. First the hands of time but now the beginning of space. “Kanaya, that was amazing!... Kanaya?” 

She doesn’t respond, you wrap your arms around her and hoist her up. She’s incredibly light. You carry her towards home. You lay her on the couch, her flame is very small. Why is there no wax anymore? 

“Kanaya? Kanaya you’re scaring me, are you okay? Do you need anything?” You ask, starting to freak out. She whispers something. “What?” She whispers again, quieter. You lean closer to her and suddenly you’re in her hold. Pain erupts from your neck, what feels like needles entering your skin and sucking your blood. Yet her hold turns smooth and soft as you melt into her, listening to the gushing of your blood as it enters her and fills her up like a glass of water. 

When she finally lets go, her flame is huge. Her crystalline form turns warm and you’re fucking dizzy but warm too. The day slows to an end. You don’t even need the light on. You’re comfortable holding her. She hums and pets you lazily. “Sorry but I needed a refill. Sorry if I traumatized you dear.” She said almost motherly. 

She lights the way as you guide her back to the cave. You give her a kiss, your lips against hers, smooth, perfect, painted. She bends down and kisses the palm of your hand..... she did something to it. She twirls and shrinks back into a candle, back onto her pedestal. White glows under her, a spiraling symbol of space.

You check your hand, the one you sliced open with the sickle. It’s healed! Yet, if you look closer, it seems to sparkle like stars. You grin and finger gun at Aradia’s skull before exiting the cave. Man, you are tired.

_____________________

“Getting underneath her skin, weren’t you Maryam~?”

“I couldn’t help but be refill, I had to fix up that ‘playground’ and it took a lot.”

“No one blames you Kanaya! I think we all want to taste her blood at least once! I know that I do.”

“I bet it tastes delicious~ hehehehe”

“What the fuck!? So we’re going from sex to cannibalism!? What the fuck!?” 

“Yeah, less personal than showing up fully naked in front of her.”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!”

“Wait a minute, are you just jealous because Maryam was the first to taste blood?”

“Fuck no! What are you talking about!?”

“Well, your aspect is blood... plus your ancestor seemed really into blood play too-“

“NOPE NOPE NOPE NOT LISTENING, ESPECIALLY NOT ABOUT THAT ASSHOLE.”

“Anyway, I am next I believe. I bet she tastes very delicious! Hehehe”

“Just don’t 8r8k her before I do Terezi~”


	7. The Copper Scales

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey bitches
> 
>  
> 
> Thought you saw the last of me

The morning is refreshing, you have a breakfast with Jade. Eggs, bacon, some toast, the basics. You’re feeling way better, it seems like your sensing shit is muc more balanced with space added. You can feel both endings and beginnings, freedom and family, sickness, love. It’s amazing. You can’t wait to meet the next one. Libra apparently. That being said, you jot down more in your journal. 

Gemini (twins) sollux ???. Rotten wood carving with metal shit sticking out. Doom. Jerk(s) with a heart of gold. Note: be careful of sexual harassment to butt. 

Cancer (crab) karkat ???. Sickle. Makes body out of blood??? Turns into a little bitch. Flesh body turns into metal after he’s done with it. Loves coco, coco silences the crab. 

“Oh yeah, Karkat’s a little bitch.” You almost jump into the stratosphere, startled by Jade. She gulps down the bacon before continuing. “He’s all bark, no bite. Jake would probably love this journal you’re writing, he’s been trying to find out the hidden secrets of it after accidentally imprinting with Eridan.” She shudders at saying his name. You quickly jot down that name.

Eridan, jade visibly disgusted at him. Note to be cautious when reaching his relic. 

“I’m sure Dave and Rose both have you the ‘you’ll die from fucking gods’ talk already Y/n but I say that even if you die, they won’t let go of you. You’ll probably stay immortal, jumping body to body until the end of time.” She takes a bite of toast. “Maybe you’ll be the bride of the pantheon” she joked. 

Your mind bluescreens for a second. 

“You know what Jade. I think that’s the most coolest, stupidest idea that’s ever been made in a mind...” You say, she looks a bit offended before you continue, “and the coolest, stupidest idea that’s ever been made in real life. And I’m just the person to do it. I love it.” You finish, quickly scorfing down your toast and chugging down the hot coco before running out, toward the cave. “Love ya too L/n!” Jade called out, laughing. 

You run through the forest, still in your pajamas. Wind in your hair, blood pumping everywhere. You’re so fucking excited, you leap into the cave. You’re welcomed by the crisp chill air that help cool down your body. You waltz right up to the next pedestal, giving a quick peck to Kanaya before turning to this one. 

The relic is a copper scale, teal permeates it’s metal shine. You’ve heard of this before. Isn’t it patina? Patina copper. Cool. You noticed the scale is out of balance, a coin weighing down the left side. You pick up and inspect it. The lady on the coin’s eyes were scratched out. The scale was still unbalanced, probably stuck from rust and shit. You push on the other side, it slowly balances out. You step back, almost expecting it. The scale morphs into woman, looking a lot like the one on the coin. She grins at you, teeth sharp and shining.

“Hello Y/n. I’ve heard quite a lot about you.” 

“Uhhh hello, copper justice lady with dragon horns who I’m guessing is blind or at least got fucked up eyes.” You said to her. She giggled, you’re a bit intimidated. “Ah, you are very observant. Yes, I’m blind.” She tapped at the red cloth she wore over her eyes. “You smell delicious. Where shall you take me like you’ve taken the others?” 

You took a breath and laced your fingers in her hand. From out of your hand, your nerves go off, branching as you feel her aspect. It’s decisions, the results, the balance of cause and effect, the way one molds their life, personality, future. You have a clear word for it for it’s clarity for what clarity it is. It is mind. You stagger but manage to guide her out of the cave. You kinda hear what sounds like Karkat behind you, she flips off him and cackles. 

“Okay so you see by smell and tasting shit?” You ask. “Yes, it’s so much better than having eyes!” You had to think about this one. Hmmm. Oh wait.

“How about the candy store?” She stops petting Nepeta. “Oh, great! ...what’s a candy store?” Nepeta morphs into her humanoid form in Terezi’s lap. “You know. Candy! I’m surpurrized you haven’t tried any yet.” 

They continued to talk while you tried to figure out how to bring a metal lady to a candy store in broad daylight. Fuck... maybe you can say she’s in costume? Then why wouldn’t you be? Do they even sell shit to make you look like patina copper??? The two goddesses looked over to you in your distress. They clicked at each other in that weird language you heard Aradia and Sollux spoke. Nepeta stalked around Terezi, doing some weird shit with her hands. 

Terezi’s form changed. The teal soul you could see condensed into itself, changing color. It was smaller and more white. You had to think a bit before it clicked, she’s trying to be more human. Likewise, her metal skin crinkled up and squeezed together, like squishing up aluminum foil. The metal soon smoothed out to reveal Terezi’s new form. She’s about your size now, with her skin looking almost human. Then you remember that she’s naked.

After dressing up yet another god, you take her out to the candy store. You gave her sunglasses so no one could see the horrific eyeless sockets that show the metal inside of her. Opening the door, the smell of sugary goodness wafts out. The candy clerk seems to be gone. 

Terezi gasps and sniffs around, her mouth seemingly drooling. “Now note: you can’t eat anything yet, you can only smell. I’ll buy you it after-“ you turn to see her already diving into all the flavors of the candies, picking one up and crunching into it, practically moaning as she tastes it. “I thought human blood was my favorite but now this is! Candy red!!! Hehehehe!” She cackled, attacking the jar of red jellybeans with her face. 

You get nervous since you have a goddess destroying property that you’re going to have to pay for and you only have enough money for food, shelter, booze and kush. If only you can stop... time... wait a minute. Dave can do time shit. Why can’t you? Fuck okay, you’re gonna do this. You take a deep breath and concentrate really hard.

STOP TIME STOP TIME STOP TIME STOP TIME. 

You hear giggling. “That’s not how to do it Y/n.” tTerezi laughed before pressing the button on the slushee machine and pouring a shit ton into her mouth. The candy clerk finally comes back. 

“Who the fuck are you? What the fuck are you doing!? I’m calling the police!”

Fuck you need help. You reach out for help. You close your eyes and concentrate. You can hear the crunching of candy, the beeping and clicks of buttons being pressed. The ticking of the clock. Tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick... tock...

You feel Time wash over you, a weirdly textured hand enveloping yours. The sounds start up a melody, the ever present tick tocking guiding it. You can hear it as it starts to slow. You also feel the weight on your head, long black hair tickles your shoulders and arms. 

“Aradia.” You breath out. She’s almost holding you, guiding your hand to slow down time around you. 

“I’ll have to teach you more. But first, to fix this mess.” She says, the same walkie talkie displaying out her voice. With a raise of her hand, the candy shop seemed to be reset, no candy destroyed or anything. Terezi stood next to you again, in a gasp. With that, Aradia gave you a hug before disappearing. 

“Wait, Terezi. Before you totally wreck the Andy store, don’t wreck the store.” You said, grabbing her arm. She looked surprised before cackling. You stared at her, confused. “Yes! My plan worked! Once again, the Neophyte has solved her case. You are able to control time!” Now you are even more confused. “Wait, what?” 

“You see, I wanted to prove that you could at least control some aspect instead of just sensing it! So using my mind powers, I saw that if I wrecked the store...” she made a gesture like she wanted you to figure it out yourself. Ohhhhhhh. Okay.

“That being said, I still want candy. Legally.” She said before grabbing a plastic bag and going on a shopping spree of candies. You sighed but smiled, following her around as she grabbed sugary sweets, smelled it and then shoved it into the bag. She even got herself a red slushee. You were about to pay but she apparently was loaded with money, making it appear out of thin air and into the hands of the clerk. 

You walk her back home, licking on your own lollipop as she licked at her own. You got back home, Jade and John were on the couch conversing. You panicked for a few seconds before Terezi just walked in and said hi. Shenanigans happened was the least you could say but by the end of the night, you were exhausted. Fuck, you’re gonna have to brush your teeth from all this fucking sugar. 

You came back to Terezi, full copper metal lady Justice Terezi, in your bed. You threw off your bra as usual and climbed in next to her. “Fuck, I should return you, shouldn’t I?” You asked, sitting up. “Don’t worry, I’ll just walk back.” That made you feel calm....er. She’s in your bed and you’re in your bed and... “do you want to have sex with me?” You ask her. A few seconds later, she doubles over laughing. 

“Look Y/n. I totally would but not in this form. I’d rather be a dragon to fuck you, hehehehe.” You half heartedly laughed along. “Just... not on the first date.” She said, kissing your forehead with her smooth lips. You returned it with a kiss on the lips. With a sigh, you fell back under the sheets and slept.  
—————————————————  
“You didn’t do anything with her? I’m disappointed Redglare.”

“I’m not as promiscuous as you Mindfang.”

“Can you fuckers stop talking like you’re your ancestors for a second to talk about more important shit? Like how she can now control time??”

“Yes! Neophyte Redglare has solved the case of the suspect’s missing powers. She can at the very least do time!”

“Is it even possible for her to...” 

“Be able to use all twelve?”

“That’s impossible! No one has and no one will! It’s fuckin silly, she must be a timebound.” 

“I think we would have known befurr if she was a time bound or not.”

“Maybe she’s void?” 

“But then most of us wouldn’t even be able to see her at all.” 

“Yes, if she was void, she would have picked equius furrst.”

“I say she’s not bound at all. It’s not a coincidence that she gained time first since she picked time first. And if I’m right, tomorrow she’ll be learning breath, hehehe.” 

“That sounds very fishy Terezi. Should we reelly be giving her these powers?” 

“Well, either way, tomorrow is my time to shine. I’m gonna steal her away from you losers by how purely awesome I am.”

“you’re not gonna steal her away when not everyone got a chance with her you fucking bitch!”

“Ampora, please. Our little black fling was over 88888888 years ago.”

“You just said 8 eight times, that’s not accurate at all!” 

“Hunman jeSUS FUCK, MY INCORPOREAL BRAIN IS GOING TO EXPLODE WITH ALL THE SHIT YOU’RE TRYING TO STUFF IN IT THROUGH MY IMAGINARY EAR CANALS, JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP.”

“Wow vantas, way to go. You ruined a perfectly good conversation.”


	8. The Golden Crown

You feel Terezi and her mind affecting you. What’s this? You’re actually THINKING??? Unheard of. Totally preposterous. Yet you are. You also find yourself judging people more. This plus Nepeta’s influence is making you really good at figuring people out by their actions and what their soul looks like. 

You’re in the library around 4 pm, because fuck it you wanna read, when a butterfly lands on your head. You conceal your smile and slight blush into your book. You put a finger in your hair, letting him crawl onto your finger. 

“Hello Tavros. How are you?” You whisper, hiding him in your book. If people saw you talking to a butterfly, you’ll be deemed even weirder and coo coo for coco puffs. 

“I’m pretty good. Though, your daisy chain wilted....” you whisper gasp in controlled surprise. 

“Well I’ll just have to make another flower chain! Maybe even a flower crown!! Hmmm do you like marigolds or roses?” If butterflies could blush, he probably would. Instead he flutters and jitters on the wooden table. 

“You’re-you’re too kind (Y/n)!” He stutters out. You giggle a bit and say in mock smugness. “I know~ but you are more!” He runs in a circle as you laugh, muffled with your hand. 

A few people look at you weird, you just mouth ‘this is a really funny fucking book’ at them. You then realize you’re reading The Language of Flowers, a very romantic book. The people return to their business, rolling their eyes and softly scoffing. You turn back to Tavros.

“I’m gonna watch a movie with the next god. Wanna come?” The relaxed and friendly composition of the butterfly dropped along with his wings.

“Oh, I’m not sure Vriska would like that. Especially with me,,,,” you raise an eyebrow. Vriska huh? You pull out your phone and search up the next zodiac. 

Scorpio. Ah. 

You laugh nervously. “Oh fuck...” you immediately text Rose.

TN: heyyyyyyy....  
TN: do you know Vriska?  
GT: where are you?  
TN: library  
GT: I’ll be right there

You wait for Rose, Tavros licking your finger with his small thin butterfly tongue. You smile and try to pet him softly in gratitude. She enters the library calmly and walks over.

“Hello (Y/n), so you’re about to meet the bitch.” Rose said in a hushed tone. You sigh.

“Yeah, I am, I guess. Any tips?” You ask her. She thinks for a second before answering. “Don’t be too overwhelmed.” You deadpan.

“Wow, such good insight. So knowledge.” You whisper sarcastically. 

“Sorry, it’s quite difficult to describe a sure way to act around the blinding goddess. The only reasonable advice I could give you is to not be overwhelmed by her light. Literally.” She stated. You stared, processing this. You took a deep breath, then exhaled. 

“Thanks Rose. How could I live without you?” 

“You probably wouldn’t.”

You walk downtrodden down the street with a butterfly on your shoulder. It’s quiet and you want to say something but you’re kinda also content with silence. You close your eyes as you listen. 

You can hear distant thoughts. The sound of beating hearts and rushing blood. The rotting flesh and ticking watches. The expansion of stars and whooshing of the wind...

The wind... 

“(Y/n)!!!”

You open your eyes to see a truck coming right at you. Time seems to slow down. Is it? You can’t tell. All you can tell is that the rope called gravity has snapped. The connection between you and the ground has severed. You feel the motion of wind flow against and with you. 

You land rolling. As you gain your senses, you pull yourself up shakingly. No major injuries... not a pancake on the sidewalk... Tavros flutters down onto your nose.

“Are you okay!!??” 

You blink. 

“Did I... fly? On my own?” 

“Kinda??? I mean I did lift you up but you went much much higher than I meant to. Sorry.... are you okay?”

You heaved yourself up, checking your body for anything no longer there or something there that shouldn’t be. Nothing.

“Yeah, yeah I’m good. Let’s go home.”

You walk into your home and lay down, checking the time. It’s only 5 pm. Should you even encounter Vriska? You just almost died....

No! You must stay determined! Plus you got a movie to go to!!!

You set Tavros down on the table.

“Kay so... I’m gonna go meet Vriska. Do you want to hide? Or you can just leave now.” You give Tavros credit, he portrayed a lot of emotion even through a butterfly. He tipped up as if thinking and was silent for a long moment before answering.

“I’ll be watching... just in case she tries to hurt you! Or something...” you agree with his decision. 

“Thanks Tav.” You say, thankful.

With that you venture up the familiar route to the cave. 

Next to the copper scales is... a golden crown. The light of the sun seems to favor this one over all the others. It has blue gems on it, glittering brilliantly in the light. It makes you feel... irrelevant.... unimportant. 

You pick up the crown and put it on. All of a sudden you lose control of your body. The world seems black yet... you see colors. You can’t turn your head but a blob of color moves just out of your view... is it teal? Yet you spot a flicker of bright light. You reach out for it but it disappears. You hear laughing. Who is it? Where is it? 

A will not your own takes over your body and you’re staggering over like a drunk bitch towards the small flame in the middle of the cave. You cup your hand around it and blow into it. The flame grows into a woman who’s cackling.

“I’ll take my crown back you theif!”

She laughs and lifts it off you. You blink and blink and almost fall over because you just got body hijacked and the world was pitch black goddamnit. Wait... where’s the lady? You squint and look around.

She bursts into existence, a yellow and blue body of light. She wears her crown with a haughty cackle. She must think everything is soooooooo hilarious.

“Hello little fly, I am Vriska Serket. The second spawn of the great Marquise Spinneret Mindfang! The stealer of suns and the luckiest bitch in existence! I believe you have a date to bring me on~ but first, a mortal handshake.”

She smirks as she extends a hand. You ready yourself and take it. What hits you like a wave almost blinds you. It’s bright, it’s obvious, it’s magnificent and it’s seeking. It’s revelations and climbing to the top. It’s light, taking the stage and your eyes. 

You groan and rub your eyes as you’re held by the goddess. You try to stand up but she just keeps holding you. She carries you herself to your home. 

She kicks down the door and throws you upon the couch. You’re a bit dazed.... okay no, really really dazed by this boundless broad. She crawls over you, her much bigger frame barely fitting on the couch. She smiles almost threateningly, or at least it seems.

“Soooooooo, let’s just get this over with. I wanna fuck you and steal you from the others. I’ve always wanted a little worshiper~” the offer is tempting but something is telling you that something more urgent needs to be addressed.... shIT THE MOVIE!!!

“Uh, I’d love to Vriska but we need to go to the movies first!” You say, putting a hand on her shoulder. She looks at you confused. “Moo vee? What’s a moo vee?”

You got up and quickly began to run to your room only to stop. Fuck, how are you going to bring a being of light into a movie theater. She’d be lighting the whole room. You turn back to her.

“Can you like... change forms? Into something more... human?” You ask her. She blinks at you before putting that smirk back on. With a flash of light, her form has morphed into a human. Only naked. And still slightly glowing. Oh well. 

After dressing your third god in all black clothes you have, you bring her to the movie theater. You pay for seats, food and drinks and bring her to the back back back of the theater. Vriska’s been pretty well behaved. Then the wait starts.

You open your favorite candy open and gingerly take a bite. You chew and swallow, reveling in the taste. You notice that Vriska is staring a lot at your candy.

“Do you want some? Terezi likes candy.” She grins and crosses her arms.

“Okay then, feed me! Unless you’re scared I bite... then I guess you’re a coward. ” you pause for a few seconds but then open your candy, take a piece and put it into her mouth. She’s almost chokes on it, surprised, but after chewing she seems to like it. 

The movie soon starts and you wiggle in your seat. This is soooooooo exciting!!!!!!!! 

Halfway through the movie, you realize how shit it really is and how boring it is. Wow, good thinking smartass. As you wonder how much longer you can take of this nonsense, Vriska taps on your shoulder.

“Hey, can we fuck?” You look back to the screen. Back to the characters discussing lobsters for five minutes before turning back to her. “Sure. Show me what you got.”

She smiles and tries to pull off her pants. Only to no end. You sigh and help her release from the confusing clothes of the modern era.

“Back in our hay day, the most we were clothed in was long flown majestic cloth and bling.” She whispers to you before popping out the tentacle dick everyone seems to have wow. 

You slightly get up, pull down your pants then sit back down onto her. She wraps her arms around you as her dick explores your butt in search for the treasure cove. 

“I gotta warn you (Y/n), I’ll only go 8 times. No more and no less. So be prepared for the best night of your petty life.”

Her dick snags on and slides into you. You bite your lip and look down to see the glowing blue disappear into you.

You melt as she slowly begins to move within you. She licks up the side of your neck. The awkward movie drowns out both of your soft moans. 

By the climax of the movie, you’re right on the edge of it. The lights turn on and you whine, a noise muffled by Vriska. She grinds you against her, her tentadick squirming too. Oh fuck, you know how messy this can get from Nepeta. You whimper into her hand as you cum... and she does too. 

You’re lucky no one notices, being the last ones in the theater. But you can’t help but to clench your toes as she cums deliciously into you. You take a fuck ton of napkins you took earlier and shove it into your underwear before cleaning up and leaving the theater. 

You walked out the theater bow legged. Only to turn to a alley way, pull off your pants and just let it drip out of you. Vriska just watches before sticking her hand back into her pants. 

“You might want to keep those napkins (Y/n).” 

She said picking you up and pinning you against the wall. 

“Here??? In an alleyway!!!???” 

She grins.

“Why not in an alleyway? All the filth is already here, why not add to it?” She said, rubbing against you. You sigh and nod and she starts round 2.

You fuck 5 more times after that before finally getting home. You fucked in a restaurant, a park, in a public bathroom, your car and even the way back home. You’re oversensitive as fuck, tingling still going up and down your body. You bring her over to your room, determined to finish and finally sleep.

Vriska slides into you slowly and you shudder, body involuntary jerking. She shushes you and pets your hair. She leans in and grazes her lips against yours before transforming back into her normal light self. She kisses you and you kiss back. 

You’re out like a light after the last one.

—————————-

“Hahahaha! Now I’ve shown you the true superiority of Serkets!”

“Hmmm I think you fucked her dead. Not really hard to do.”

“What? No I’ve seduced the maiden and pounded her into oblivion! Surely she wants only me now.”

“Oh yeah because that was soooooooo just you having a casual seduction. Blargh! That was fucking soft, sweet and PALE AS FUCK. You crossed the quadrants with her you psychotic lamp!”

“For once I and Karkat agree. That was awfully pink, especially for you Mindfang. Have you gone soft for the human?” 

“Oooo! A new ship!!! I didn’t even see it coming!”

“What!? No! I just-”

“Kay, we get it. You were just trying to be selfish blah blah blah huge bitch. Can we skip the aftercare dialogue? Vriska fucked the human, tomorrow it’s- ugh- his. Yeah. Whatever.”

...

“But I’d like to discuss Ta-“

“Nope. ZIP.”

“Bu-“

“SHUT THE FUCK UP.”


	9. The Broken Bow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YO YALL IM BACK  
> AFTER A FUCKING MONTH OF WRITING THIS SHIT, I GIVE YOU: THE LONGEST CHAPTER OF ANYTHING IVE EVER WRITTEN.

You wake sore and blue. No not sad blue, just b l u e. You groan as you turn over to stare at your legs. You should probably wash off the dried blue crap off you before you're eternally blessed to have a glowing crotch. Literally. Blinking, you squint. FUck the sun is hella bright, the whole room is 100 percent brighter. You get up and awkwardly tumble through the unnaturally bright world blindly yet somehow knowing where to go??? This is kinda weird. 

A soul brushes against you, Sollux you think? He grabs you by the arm before you walk into a wall. You turn to thank him but halt in your speech… You can see him! Very very slightly though. He’s a faint muddy yellow color against you, tendrils of his essence gripping you.

“...Sollux… I can see you.”

“What!?”

“Sollux, I can see you. Like not that much but it’s kinda like seeing a weird yellow fish underwater without any goggles on.”

“so you can see it clearly and want to bite into it?”

“No! I just see a blurry yellow blob that blends in the water. What makes you think that???”

“For some reason I trust Feferi more on that experience.”

You groan, rapidly blinking to get rid of the invading light from your eyes. Soon it fades, leaving you to see the now really dark living room. You feel him release you and go… somewhere.

“Well shit. Do you have any idea why my eyes suddenly turned into mini suns?”

No answer. Huh.

Oh well, it was probably from fucking the sun goddess herself. You grab your journal to write more into it. 

Leo. (lion) Nepeta ???. Animal (probably a feline) hide. Heart. Is made out of this pinkish greenish energy??? Is my first cat and first fuck. 

Virgo. (Virgin) Kanaya ???. A glass candle. SPACE. both do and don’t doubt she's a virgin. Vampire???? Drinks blood and probably other fluids to “survive” or at least keep her flame alive.

That’s pretty good for now you decide. Putting the journal away, you sigh. Time for the next, hopefully you don’t fuck this one after you marathon banged the previous. You’d probably make a joke on how she’s a sex god or something but you’re pretty sure that piss off everyone else. 

You hang out on your couch for a while, letting yourself wake up as you listen to music. You feel someone sink on the couch next to you. Opening your eyes to look at them, you find yourself staring at nothing. Suddenly, your headphones start screeching at you. You jolt and throw them off your head and onto the couch. 

Shakingly, you pick them up and put them on. 

“H-hello?”

“Hey it’s me, just found a way to talk to you without your eyes exploding or needing to go to the cave.”

OH. cool. Sollux. He’s in your headphones now… with no lisp???

“So… why do you need to talk to me???”

“I’ve noticed a pattern of you getting in trouble in order to access your aspect powers. Since apparently I’m next and I’m fucking doom, I’d rather not you have to learn it that way.”

“Oh, okay, show me the way bee boy.”

You laugh as he groans in your ears. 

“Yeah, whatever just… go where I tell you to.”

You adjust the headphones, grab a jacket and follow where he directs. You walk through the forest, barefoot. You should have gotten shoes but you seem to know where not to step. You feel the cold wind yet the chill doesn’t bite you harshly.

“Here. Stop here.”

You’re at the graveyard. This place always gave you the creeps. The last time you were here was with Aradia.

“Since you’ve imprinted with AA, I’m sure you can feel the time in this place.”

You can. You can feel all the dead underneath the soil, not quite calling out but just letting you know they’re there. They’re not souls per se, like how you can feel sollux in your headphones or one of the others brush up against you, they just… lie there. Like they’re asleep. 

“Now Time is kinda like Doom but they’re very different. Time is endings, Doom is the events before the end. There’s no doom here but there is at the hospital since mortals there are bound to die. Get it?”  
“Kinda? Yeah. so like what powers am i gonna have???”

“Well, that depends on you. Doom isn’t as straightforward death in some people, You’ll have to find your own way of discovering it.”

You sighed. Ugh, self improvement AND work? Ugh.

“Kay so like, where do I start?”

“Hmm, well perhaps go somewhere with alot of Doom?”

“Nah, not going to the hospital.”

“What? Why not?”

“Cuz im not about to surround myself with sick fuckers. I mean i am a sick fucker but not snot and entrails sick.”

“Ugh, fine. Then go somewhere with an abundance of Life.”

You squint, hopefully at him but you can’t exactly squint judgementaly at headphones when it’s on your head without a mirror.

“Isn’t that like… counterintuitive?”

“Just fucking try it.”

“Kay, fine, whatever.”

You blindly walk back towards the forest, trying to think of a place “abundant with life” Oh! The old greenhouse! You stride towards it. When you arrive, you can see that it’s incredibly full of life. To the point that glass panes are being pushed out in order to make room for it.

“Holy fuck, this is perfect. Here, try to get inside.”

You kinda just kick the door in, glass shattering everywhere. You cautiously step over it and try not to step on any glass with your bare feet. Inside the greenhouse, there’s so many fucking plants everywhere. It’s also really warm in here. You’re surprised there hasn’t been a fire in here. 

“I still don’t see how this will teach me Doom.”

“Well see, Doom isn’t just impending destruction. It’s also order.”

“Order????”

“Contrasting, life is unruly, left alone it grows rapidly and without rules or constraint. Doom is those rules and constraint, keeping life at bay. Think: without doom, what will come of life uncontrolled?”

You looked up at the greenhouse, the vines overgrown, rotten fruit hanging from branches. You put a hand on one of the plants.

“Suffocating”

Your hand seems to sink into the plant like a snake bite, it spreads like a sickness through the plant and turns it black. Every other plant it touched didn’t gain your mercy, they also wilted and spread the epidemic. You blinked before releasing your hold. 

“I feel kinda sorry for them.”

“Yeah but they’re plants and they were gonna die anyway. It’s sad but true.”

You sighed but then paused. Wait…

“YO I GOT FUCKING DOOM POWERS!!!”

You start cheering and whooping and dancing around.

“Okay okay, it’s almost noon already and you haven’t eaten yet. Get back home.”

You laugh as you start to head back.

“Awwwww, thhhhomeone cares for meeeeee”

“No I don't!....Yes I do…”

You laugh harder.

When you open your front door, you immediately go over and crash on the couch. Seems like you’re really fucking tired, oof. 

“Hey sol, can you like wake me up in an hour?”

No response. You sigh.

“Like, anyone please wake me up?”  
You’re greeted with a purr as Nepeta springs onto the couch and makes herself comfortable on your back. You yawn and let your eyes fall down. When your eyes open, you’re greeted with a fluffy tail in your face. You sneeze as it brushes against your face. 

“Nepeta…”

She springs off you and excitingly trots on your body. 

“I’m soooo excited! You’re finally gonna meet Equius!!!!!”

Ah yes,the next one. Sagittarius the archer. Or centaur? You’re not sure and you’re scared to be sure. You’re brought out of your anxious thoughts when a scratchy tongue licks your nose.

“Don’t worry (Y/n)! I’ll be with you so you don’t need to be so afraid. I mean, Equius can be weird… and kinda gross… But I’ll be there to help you. Meow.”

You can’t help but be comforted by the feline, she’s so cute in this form.

“Okay Nep, let’s go.”

You get up, holding Nepeta but you notice something on your chest. You grab it, a note from Roxy???

Heyyyy (y/n), I wantsd to go the exhibibibi new diety thingy at the moosiem today but no 1 would go wit me???? Anywy, use thes two tickts wisely ;)  
ROX

Ps. U wer slepin so I put this on u nice cat

Maybe you can bring Equius to the exhibition? It’s at four, you think it’s like… 3 ish. Yeah. You think. 

Entering the cave, You are made aware of a certain crown. It’s really glowing now, damn. As usual, the red gears light up in the eyes of the skull to peer at you. You feel your heart flutter and you shyly wave at it. Gods, why are you getting so timid around her???

You shake off the butterflies in your stomach and instead focus on the butterfly greeting you. He flutters above your face before landing on your head. By the time you’re done, you’re pretty sure you’re gonna be looking like an ethereal nature goddess yourself, covered in symbols and creatures. 

You make your way to the eighth relic, the crown trying to gain your attention. You give in a little and let your hand brush against it, the distant sound of laughter in the background. You focus in however on what’s being overshadowed by the crown, you could barely see it in this dark corner of the cave. Is that… a bow??? It’s broken in the middle, the splinters of wood jagged. You wonder who or what could have broken such a thick piece of wood. You hold the two pieces, gently lifting it up. What do you do with this???

You decide to try to connect the two pieces together, very very carefully. To your surprise, it fits perfectly! You congratulate yourself but then halt when you notice a strange dark bluish liquid drip from where the two halves meet. You frown, did it not work? You try to put it down the way you found it, two halves slightly close together yet when you try to gently pull them apart, you find that you can’t. Maybe the liquid was some kind of magical glue?  
Nepeta sits upon you shoulder, eagerly waiting. “Try breaking it again!”

You cringe, you don’t really want to fucking break anything that belongs to a god you’ve never met but.. If she insists… You take in a deep breath and try to snap the arrow in half. You barely make it move but the liquid is dripping again. You try again, using your puny mortal muscles to break this fucking bow. Nothing but a pool of almost blue darkness collecting at your feet. This liquid is annoying the fuck out of you so you grab your shirt (fuck this shirt whatever) and wipe away most of the liquid. This time, you snap the bow in half with ease. Your moment of tired joy is disrupted with a flood of that liquid pouring out. 

Your disgust is washed away when you feel like nothing. You feel the deep shadows of the universe where no light touches, no creature of mortality cries out, the pool of the unknown hides as no concept of itself can be thought. The void almost drowns you.

As you’re reeled back to reality, you distantly note how the liquid reminds you of that pool, pulling itself together into a being. You’re luckily still holding onto the bow which now is a part of the being’s head. The string twirls around it and multiplies, turning to silver hair. 

You awkwardly dangle there, somehow still gripping on to what looks like horns now.

“EQUIUS!”

You’re jostled forward, crushed into a god-mortal-god sandwich. The familiar warmth of Nepeta contrasts with the cold almost wet feel of Equius. Your body can’t handle the temperature difference and you’re sent into a shiver frenzy. 

“Nepeta, you’re affecting the mortal. She is shaking.”

“Whoops, sorry (Y/n)!”

Nepeta peels her form off of you. You sigh and try to pull yourself up but you find yourself sinking inTO HIS BODY???? Nepeta giggles behind you before grabbing your waist and pulling you off him. Drops of void cling onto you and your clothes.

“Sorry, He’s a bit goopy!”

“That’s fine, it’s… cool i guess.”

He stays silent. Now that you’re off of him, you can see how big he is and what he looks like. His eyes are a milky white yet you can see points where you’d guess his pupils are. He’s like, REALLY buff. Staring at him is like staring at the void himself.

Nepeta sets you down and transforms back into a cat.   
“I’ll leave you two to it. Don’t die!”

You stare at Equius. Hmmmm, where to bring him…. Oh right! 

“Do you… do you want to go to the museum?”

“...the moosieum?”

“Yeah, it’s uhhhhh, it’s a place to see art and sculpture and gain an appreciation of culture?”

“So you can see the fine arts at this mewzem?”

“Yeah! Let’s go!”

He seems actually interested in this huh. He follows you back to your house, a silent giant. However, you realize he can’t fit in the front door. 

After forever, you finally maneuver him in a way to slip inside, almost literally with all the sweating he does from you touching him so much. 

“(Y/n), how many times are you making gods seem human?” Jade asks, her nose in a book about robotics. She looks up to see him.

“Hey! I haven’t seen you before, I’m Jade.”

“Equius.”

“Uhhhhhhhh, I guess more and more I’m taking them to places where people can see them? It is getting tiring though.”

You turn to Equius.

“Can you make yourself look human or am I gonna need more help?”

He nods before morphing into… a surprisingly convincing human. The inky blackness fade into smooth dark flesh. You sigh, Jade whips out her phone to call someone for big clothes.

You thank Dirk once again for the clothes for Equius. You’re sure that if he tried on yours, it’d rip from the massive muscles this guy had. Seriously, why did he have to choose such a ripped, hot human form? Where did he even get that flesh?

You ponder the possibilities as you wait in line with a buff fleshy disguise behind you. You can feel people staring. You can’t wait for the gossip on whether or not this tall glass of milk is your boyfriend. But you just smile and assure him that soon you’ll both get inside. 

Finally at the edge of the line, you hand in your tickets and get little stickers which you put on yourself and him. He curiously rubs at it but you stop him, the ink is coming out of the sticker, leaving a white line across the texts. You hate censorship and the possibility of being accused of fraud so you make sure no one gets close enough to see the altered sticker.

You dragged him to the first painting, the flaky surface almost covering the interesting scene of a lady bathing. You were about to say “Hey, bathsheba” but then again this is supposed to be a local gallery. You turn to see Equius, studying the painting.

“Hmmm, interesting but not exquisite enough.”

You sigh and bring him further into the museum. You’re kinda surprised how much horses are on these paintings. You bring him over to one that seems the most interesting to you. It seems ancient and full of knowledge, You check the description above it. 

No one knows where this piece came from. It belonged to a man who had recently moved away from our town, leaving behind this ancient piece he said he’d found near the ancient cave of adhæsit domi. 

You take another gander at the painting to really get into the hidden secrets and wisdom it has to share with you. It seems like a dark horse, with it’s hair on fire?? Attacking a brave knight holding what seems like a precious orb of power with a magnificent mountain in the background. You turn to see Equius looking at the painting with awe, with a slightly creepy yet giddy smile. 

“Yes, yes this is most exquisite. May we see another one of these fine arts?”

“Sure, hecc, im enjoying” your face “this too.”

You lead him to another and another, feet tapping more airy against the tiles now. You’re thoroughly enjoying his reactions to these absurd horse paintings. It’s almost closing time by the time you reach the last exhibit. 

“Ooooo, this one has three paintings.”

You check the description on the podium in front of the triple paintings. 

“Μοίραφιλίαταξίδι” MOIRAPHILLIATAXIDI. Broken down means “Fated brotherly love journey” The artist of these three paintings chose to use what scientists have discovered to be blood of various animals and more unknown substances that are similar to mammalian blood but not quite. An amount of silver in these compounds were found though and might contribute to the coloring of these bloods. The artist remains a mystery but seems to end the painting with the signature of a cat paw.

You look up to see the one on the most right. It conveys a young foal and a kitten, drinking from the same puddle that’s full of leaves. Like tea, you joke to yourself, concealing a small giggle. You can’t really tell if this was made of blood or not, maybe a red flower here or there but you couldn’t really believe it.

The next is of a young stallion and a very fluffy cat, wandering fields together as they pass other creatures. They seem almost happier than the first pair but something seems very wrong. You can see it in their eyes. You furrow your brow but still hold your smile. There’s barely that much red in here too. Just a bit in the fields to convey flowers and shit but not enough to say “ i used fucking blood to draw this.”

The last…

Blood was used to make this.

The sky is dark, the forest surrounds the lion as it holds a blood stained cloth in it’s maw. The dark stallion towers above the lion, about to kill? Yet it seems he feels… pity? You can’t help but feel for this painting, like it’s touching your soul, making you understand. So much red, so much fucking red. Fuck.

You actually start tearing up, turning to see Equius’ reaction. He seems… sorrowful… yet serene? Like he’s seen this story before, lived it himself. Is this his story? 

You both exit the museum, enriched by culture and art and shit. Well, time to say goodbye.

“I had a very fun time with you Equius.” You cringed afterwards, on how fucking stereotypical school girlish you sounded there.

“I-I did too, thank you” He said, awkwardly. Is he sweating again? You should have brought a towel or something.

“Can you like… go back to your god form? I don’t just wanna kiss you as a human.” 

He starts blushing and sweating even more but he does what you ask, transforming into a tall eldritch god made of string and void. You grin up at him.

“Now pick me up so I can smooch you!!!”

He does so, scooping you up gently by your torso and hesitantly bringing you closer. Is he shaking?

“You okay?”

“Yes, I’m just attempting not to… break you… because of my STRONG grip, I might hurt you.”

You’re a bit surprised by the increase in volume at that STRONG word but nevertheless, you laugh.

“Then I’ll do it for you.”

With that, you reach out to grab his goopy cheeks and press your lips against his, not caring for the viscous liquid staining your skin and clothes. It tastes… tasteless. You just feel liquid, no taste, no smell, nothing. Huh.

When you open your eyes from that passionate kiss, all that’s left is a piece of the bow string. Yay a new souvenir! You’re putting this on your dresser. You hold the string against your chest, twirling around in giddy happiness.  
____________________

“AAAAAAAAAA, that was sooo adorable!!! I ship it so much!!”

“Equius you’re so lucky, not as much as me but still.”

“Fuck, that was disgusting! I don’t know what’s worse! You going to see measly pigments on a flimsy medium with her or that disgusting ass kiss!”

“Shut up Karkat, I bet you’re just jealous! Hehehehe”

“I must say, it is quite suspicious of you Karkat.”

“Whale now, it’s gonna be my turn very soon! I’m so excited!!!”

“Yea Fef but first it’s mine. And gam… gam’s first”

“FUCK, I almost forgot Gamzee’s next. You better not fuck this up or worse you furry douche muffin.”

“Huh? Nah man, me and the sis is gonna have a motherfucking fun ass time together bro. No need to get your screaming on.”

“Well. This will be interesting.”

“Oh, AA, where have you been in? Usually you’re more chatty.”

“I’ve been… busy.”

“Busy with what? Watching her?”

“Perhaps. I’ve been monitoring her in case something bad will happen.”

“What? But she’s been handling it so well!”

“No, AA is right. Something’s gonna happen. I can sense it.”

“Well shit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank yall for all the comments! they've really helped me going and not give up on this like ive done with others


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